Not a Morning Person and Never Will Be

That fresh morning smell of coffee downstairs in the kitchen. That fresh morning excitement of a new day. That fresh morning taste of bacon and eggs. And that fresh morning sweet sound of birds chirping outside your window. *Cringe* It all makes me want to throw up. I apologize to all the "morning people" out there who love everything I just described but to those of us who just cannot take the typical morning routine please join with me in my grogginess.

For as long as I can remember, I've never been a morning person. Ever. Do you remember when you were 4 years old and you were excited for the next morning? You just couldn't wait to see what the day ahead would bring you, right? I was not that kid. Don't get me wrong, I loved the new adventures that came my way everyday, but I just needed the morning to not be SO awfully early, that's all. My dad actually had to drag me out of bed by my feet, rub a cold wet wash cloth on my face, yell "TIME TO GET UP," and turn on the overhead light to wake me up for school. Ugh. That "out of it" feeling I had at 4 years old is just as familiar to me at this point in my life because guess what...I had that exact same feeling TODAY! It's just as difficult at 32 as it was at 4. If my husband knew I would speak to him again, I think he would gladly drag me out of bed by my feet just as my Dad did. But I don't think I would. That's a big fish to fry. Don't get any ideas Bryan. ;)

HOW DO YOU DO IT, MORNING PEOPLE??!! Y'all actually blow my mind with how you think in the mornings. You actually love to get up before everyone else does so you can make a cup of coffee. You actually want to get that morning run in before you go to work. You actually like to read the paper to get informed on what is going on in the world before you take on your own daily tasks. And you would never leave the house without indulging in a large complete breakfast. I bet you actually love the sound of birds singing in the morning too, don't you? Seriously, do you say, " yay the birds are singing again. I'm so happy because they are singing!" That is amazing. Let me just be frank: I am jealous! I would love to be just like you. The added hours in my day would be delightful. Life would be so much easier. Regrettably, I'm wired a different way. To me, loving mornings is as real as me becoming a math wiz-never, ever going to happen! If you and I were America, you would be northern Maine and I would be southern California. To me, birds are disturbing. Going for a run is supposed to be in the middle of the day. I do like eating bacon and eggs but for dinner. I drink sweet tea and steer clear from coffee. The first things I think of as soon as I wake up is: What day is it? What season is it? Is this real life?

Obviously, I am a hard sleeper.

This is me in the morning.

And this is you in the morning.

My Dad loved getting up early before the sun rose. He would get up at insane hours. I'm talking like 3:33 a.m!! 3 was his favorite number I think. Granted, my Dad was an incredible businessman and had a major ambition to work hard every day. But, 3:33 a.m!! Are you kidding me?! That's when I go to bed sometimes! My Mom, on the other hand, is just like me. She loves the "five more minutes" routine with the snooze button. I cannot tell you how many times I was tardy at school because of her. But that didn't bother me at all. I was too out of it to care. By the time I could drive myself to school, they just expected me to be late. I even lived directly across the street from my high school so there should have been no excuse but to be on time. No way did it work that way! Being within walking distance to school was in all actuality a detriment. I took advantage of every minute in the morning- I did not waste it by getting ready for school, oh no no no, I used that extra time to sleep more! I would hit the snooze button about 12 times. There were days I would sleep in until 7:30 or 7:45 a.m. and to everyone's surprise (including mine) I would sometimes make it to my first class by 8:00 a.m. How? I couldn't tell you. I can't remember because I was too tired to know who I was at 8:00 a.m.

When I got to college, I thought to myself "finally, I can take all afternoon classes and sleep in every day!" To my dismay, a rude awakening hit me hard when I found out as a freshmen, it was practically required to have at least one 8:00 a.m. class the first semester. I thought I was doomed. Thankfully, my best friend Neely (who was my roommate at the time), and I both struggled together. I was not alone in this sunny challenge.  Every morning that first semester, we would throw on a hat, grab a frappacino out of our fridge, and not say a word to each other because we were basically sleep walking to class. Neither one of us were morning people-thank God! If she were perky in the mornings, we might not be best friends today. Just kidding Neely. ;) I remember I would let her lead and I would follow because my eyes weren't open all the way. Those blurry, sleepy eyes would watch the bottoms of her shoes as we scurried to class. My eyelids would shut and I would walk. The sound of her footsteps guided me. Occasionally, I would open them to see her shoes again, then I would shut them back. It is amazing I never fell or stumbled on the brick pathway. If it weren't for the back of Neely's shoes, I don't think I would have made it that semester without scrapes, bruises or broken bones. **Thanks for letting me follow you to class everyday Neely-you had no idea how much it helped me. Haha! Since then, you have never led me astray. Love you SBF!**

(This Buzz Feed List of Being a Night Owl is hilarious. There are a few cuss words in it so (please forgive me posting a link with cuss words) but it is all very true and very funny. 26 Joys and Struggles Being a Night Owl)

See? Mornings have never been my friend. And once I caught mononucleosis in college, mornings became worse for me. I was stupid and didn't take the time to get better. I just kept on pushing through more and more sleepless nights. And I will pay for my stupidity the rest of my life. Because I never recovered from mono and had countless sleepless nights, I have been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Hence, I blame my CFS for my obliviousness and forgetfulness each morning. (At least, I hope I can blame my craziness on that? *Chuckle*)

Unfortunately, CFS doesn't go away. Because of it, I am ALWAYS tired.  Whether I sleep for 1 hour or 12 hours, I am just as tired either way. It is vicious. So yes, it's not just mornings but they happen to be the hardest part of everyday for me. I'd like to think if I didn't have CFS, I probably would be semi-sane in the mornings. I might even get some exercise in before my son wakes up. But unfortunately, that's not reality for me. I AM and ALWAYS will be a morning slug.

Just to be clear, I am in no way lazy. Please don't mistake CFS and laziness. Laziness is simply a choice. CFS is a disease. I may be lethargic somedays but I DON'T WANT TO BE! I refuse to let it beat me. It may be a very challenging disorder as a mom and wife yet it doesn't get me down. I refuse to let it beat me! I can roll with the punches so I won't miss out on all the fun out there. Thankfully, some days are harder than others. The easier days are awesome! As much as it is a burden to have CFS, I know it could be so much worse. And for that I am thankful.

It seemed as though my son was following in my "late to rise" direction as a newborn, baby, and toddler. He would sleep 12 hours each night, and not wake up until 10:30 or 11 a.m. It was glorious! I cannot tell you how much that helped me. God knew I needed him to sleep in the first few years of his life.  Transitioning into motherhood is hard enough but losing sleep, having CFS and getting insomnia (oh yeah that happened too) was close to impossible for me. People may have thought it was weird that Miller slept so much in the mornings but my husband and I knew it was just a blessing from God. I think God gave me the extra time to learn how to adjust and function during these past three years. But all good things come to an end, right? This past month, Miller has decided that extra time in the morning is NO MORE. 8:00 a.m. is his time to get up. And I am ok with that now. It may be difficult to regain consciousness that early but as soon as I hear that kind voice say "Mommy" and see that sweet face smiling up at me, I CAN DO ANYTHING. I would run a marathon at 7 a.m. if he wanted me to! He's my morning inspiration. And I can honestly say, if it weren't for him, I would remain a morning slug all day long. He really gets me going. Miller is a true gift from God in so many ways. But one particular way that stands out to me right now, is that he is my sole morning source of strength.

I want to bring hope to those who have CFS: It doesn't have to win, YOU can win. You can do it. Don't give in all the time. Sure, sometimes you just can't get out of bed and I understand that believe me-but tomorrow is another day. Get up and try again. And thank God for new beginnings each and every day. :)

What gets you going in the morning? Coffee? Birds? Exercise? What routine do you have? I would love to know how you get up and get going. Please give me your opinions as to how you plan your mornings. And tomorrow morning when you hear squaking from those aggravating birds, think of me as you happily whistle along with them. I will be the one looking like this:

While you will be the one looking like this:

Have an awesome day and sleep well! :)

My Serenity
Today wasn't so hard to wake up and for that I am thankful :)